I mocked Twilight today.
I know thats up there on the list of news flashes with "Sky Blue: details at 11", but c'mon: sparkly vampires? Does he ride a magic pink unicorn? So when the phrase "Is there anything more romantic than Bella and Edward" passed me by, I took the cheap shot. Still, I felt bad about mocking Twilight - not because it didn't deserve it, but because I haven't actually read it (Or seen the movie. Or bought the sparkly pink folders to put my schoolwork in.) I don't like to judge things on hearsay. So as penance I did some research. On the internet.
But if you turn on the special "no angst" SafeSearch filter in google, and look for things not written in txt spk, you can eventually find a plot summary that doesn't sparkle too much. This led me to an interesting and eye-opening discovery: Twilight isn't disgustingly angsty, or disgustingly sparkly, its just plain disgusting.
Seriously? This is a story about a hundred+ year-old guy who pretends to be a teenager and hangs out at high schools to pick up 16-year-old chikcs whom he eventually marries, murders, and has sex with, not necessarily in that order? Uhm, ew? I'm two-fifths his age and if I dressed up like a teenager and hung around high schools picking up girls - which I can think of few fates more horrible than, by the way - I would be arrested and shunned as a child-molesting freak. So, what? Its ok cuz he sparkles? Or because hes dead? Necrophilia trumps pedophilia I guess? Ew ew ew. I need a wire brush and dettol for my mind.
And that, apparently, is the great modern standard of romance. I wish I'd stayed unfair and ignorant.