AAAAAAAAAAAAA(h!)

Coz brought me home some magazines.

And with much painful study, I have learned one of the great secrets of the universe. I shall share it with you. Here are the names of a collection of the... metapsychic professionals... advertised in this magazine:

Kahu (channeler)
Sarrinn (ancient spirit)
Gaia (earth spirit)
Marrianna (blesser and exorbitant over-user of exclamation marks)
Naisha Ahsian (creator of Crystal Ally Cards)
Sri Ra'am Kaa (wisdom teacher)
Kira Raa (angelic oracle)
Sha Na Ra (crystal skull)

Can you see it? The common pattern that so obviously leads to their power? Its all the "a"s in their names! Or rather the pattern of "a"s and spaces - I call it "a-hole power" for short. And thus, I shall venture forth upon a new career as a psychic pet-angel spirit trainer, and I shall be unstoppably powerful because I shall change my name to:

Doctor (or perhaps Lord?) Aaaa aaa a aaAaa!

(pronunciation guide. It is spelled with 13 "a"s - a mystical number - and a single invisible apostrophe. I can't tell you where the apostrophe goes in a public forum, or the power would overwhelm your puny spirits... without the skills taught in my FREE* guide "Aid to Attaining A-hole Apostrophe Access". *please include $29.95 for email postage and handling. Act Now and get Free Bonus Karma accredited directly to your account!)

(I have already used my extraordinary powers to channel brewing yeast, but all it ever says is "feed me sugar and drink me!" Go figure. Still, ours is not to reason... at all apparently.)