So wrong, but so funny

From the Sydney Morning Herald.

Noah's Ark for the atheists

My very talented sister-in-law made this beautiful quilt to celebrate Gemma's arrival. As you can see it features Noah's Ark. My brother and sister-in-law know that D and I are atheists, but it's kinda nice to know that they haven't given up on the kids. Yet.
More lovely things made for Gemma here.

It's not what it looks like honey....

The nice man was performing an exorcism! No really.

Real Heros

Include those willing to speak the truth despite the costs to themselves.

Aussie soldier calls TV show on sensationalising news from East Timor

*snort* Bloody Ripper!!!

New to the Blogroll

Looking for something to brighten up the blogroll? Well try the new Sarsaparilla blog! A collection of Aussie bloggers blogging about books and other literary subjects close to their hearts. Old friends like Ampersand Duck, Laura from Sorrow at Sills Bend, and others who we haven't 'met' yet like Tim from Sterne, and Georg from Stack (coming to the blogroll soon). Plus more! So take a link over there today.

(Link working now, thanks Zoe).

Another Great Idea Brought To You By For Battle

A few posts ago there was a discussion about food we ate as children, the treats, the favourites, the wierdness that the folks thought were a good child rearing idea at the time.
So Family Favourites Dinner was held last night with 9 hardy ForBattlers willing to delve deep into their subconcious to bring forth culinary delights, just how deep i'll let you be the judge.....

First dish was Tops pig head hock pate. Those wacky Dutch. He didn't use a head cause he thought it would gross us out. Once i found out that the oogly bits are removed before its boiled then minced, it didn't seem so bad. Though you could put sour cream on a eyeball and most people would eat it, or at least lick it off and feed the rest to the cat.

Top's pig foot pate...

DV's specially made leftovers explains alot about her really.

Spagetti, mince on toast with a egg poured on top...

Meg's outdid herself and we all were the winners. Made us wonder what it would have been like without the goldrush. Since the only taste of exotic most of us got was from the local Chinese place, with thier Sweet and Sour Pork, tinned Prawn Cocktails and deep fried Icecream, how differently our lives could have been.

Dim Sims and Potato Nubbins with gravy

Rob, whose family would take him out to exotic places around San Francisco, sometimes just didn't feel like Korean and wanted Maccas instead....suck it up Seppo!

Cheesy noodles, couldn't get anymore Yankee even with a Twinke on top.

Snerg totally cheated. 'Oh yes we used to use fresh pineapple on our fried ham steaks...like didn't everyone...?!' Pfft tinned pineapple baby and you know it.

We will let it go this time...

Mr Nw's chicken wings in Fancy Pants sause, another case of a far to exotic upbringing.

What? tomato sause and Gravox too good for ya huh?!

Lemming trivet made by Mouse, perfect for dessert

Scrolly custardy thingy, tasted alot better than this photo shows. It somehow sucked out all the appetising looking qualities out...what a clever camera.

By the fine hands of Mouse....

Nothing brings back dear memories of childhood more than warm crumble and cheap goon

Speedy's apple and plum crumble with icecream, goon optional

Anything that suggests it to be diluted by Vodka is A-OK by me.

Anything named Glogg is A-OK by me too.

A word in your shell like kid...

I would really, really rethink this whole moving on to solids caper....just saying.


Now the observant of you will have noticed a couple of things.
1- Vegetables...what!!!??? Totally explains those several bouts of scurvy i had as a kid
(Mum, Dad if you are reading this..haha just jokes..see everyone is laughing)
2- Beige....why do childhood memories equate with with post-apocalyptic depression food?

Loss of IQ Points Imminent

Amanda, bless her little cotton socks sent this to me via Ausculture.
The only Big Brother i've seen is at the gym with the sound turned down, so maybe this is a common occurence from people who come across as complete wastes of oxygen.

As painfully funny as it is I don't think i will be the only person reaching for the


This to me is proof positive that we are in End Times, where humans shall fall and Maltese X dogs will inherit the earth.

Its Not Hard To Make FRIENDS

Best thing i've gotten in my work email for ages....pictures of the Russian brides are pretty special too.

Yo Carolyn.rose!!.
at first I should tell you about my appear, so I got E-mail from one DATING AGENCY but really that was VERY STRANGE for me because I closed all my accounts at DATING SITES, because I don't like people who are interested just in non SERIOUS RELATIONS, I have much FRIENDS from that sites but really I did not find someone special for me....

But I got your E-mail address and thought "MAYBE THAT IS MY DESTINY" to find someone special?
Really there was written that you wish to know me.
So I don't know where you did get MY E-MAIL ADDRESS but I hope that is NOT JUST MISTAKE.
I hope to hear from you soon....
If you decide to answer me I promise to SEND YOU big LETTER and MY BEST PHOTOS !!! I'd like to learn more about you. PLEASE, WRITE ME some lines about your personality, your hobbies, your way of life. I'm really interested to know!
As for me, I'm an easy-going and open-hearted person. I take life as it comes and have optimistic views. It doesn't mean that nothing makes me sad, but I consider all the difficulties in my life to be useful for me.
I'm very communicative and like to spend time in a good company. I enjoy outdoors activities and sport. What about you? Do you go in for sports?
Hope to hear from you soon, please use solaris14@HotPOP.com to answer me ! I wit your letter with large impatience . Please do it for me .

Katya
Thu, 25 May 2006 15:31:30 +0500
candace distillate

Really really interesting!!

At least to people with brains like mine (ie: strange)

The Institute for the Future of the Book seems to be where blogging meets novel writing meets academia. Like most people I'm curious as to the impact of new technology on already existing technology.. and what will evolve.

Then add a gamer to the mix ;) Interactive novel writing/research. woo hoooo!!!!!

Many thanks to Mz Ducky for the heads up. I love chances to use my brains :)

a quiz to liven up your Wednesday morning

Which of Henry VIII's wives are you?

this quiz was made by Lori Fury

It's all too true :) Except for the ugly shoes bit.

something literary

dear god, so funny. I followed a link from baggy-trousers to this -

Geoffrey Chaucer Hath A Blog

my favourite entry so far is STRAIGHT OVTTA LONDOUN. but then, I haven't read it all yet. go forth and get all medjeeval... verily!

Why do you have children?

Be very very quiet, it's tigger season, originally uploaded by sleepy_lyon.

So you can dress them up in dumb outfits and take pictures!!!!. I've posted another one on my other blog

We are so half arsed

we missed For Battle's first birthday. Yep we have been crapping on for over a year now. Yay us.

Making Wine While the Sun Shines

For some time now Stig had been talking about the idea of buying a big buch of grapes from the markets and turning them into wine.

It seemed like a cool idea and eventualy the day rolled around when it couldn't be put off any longer. I went on a recon mission with Mouse the weekend before and then there was no turning back, the date was set.

I was supposed to go help Stig pick up the grapes but, being me, I decided to chuck a sickie the friday before 'G-Day' to build a wine press. Also, being me, I manged to fuck up Rob's drop saw, lost 2 hours trying to fix it and consequently had to send Rob out in my place while I finished the press Saturday morning.

So, there we were with 16 cases of grapes, a wine press and some enthusiasm. A good thing we had the enthusiasm because after pressing 3 baskets of grapes in the press (about 3 baskets per box for those challenged by my personal metric system) the main beam on the press broke and we had to squish the little bastards by hand.

The Broken Press - Day 1

I fixed the press that eveing and shored it up with extra timber. The next day it worked a treat for the first six or seven pressings and then it just siezed up (I still have to cut the nut open to find out why).

Rob and Stig work the press

Turning the press was hard work and it seemed that tasks were assigned along traditional lines.

Mouse and Tina wash grapes

Which left the menfolk to squish more grapes by hand.

Rob and Tops squish grapes

Since this is a family operation we had some child labour too.

While Alex didn't manage to fix the press he did manage to collect all the nuts and bolts that had been scattered about in the adult's attempt to fix it.

Oliver provides moral support for Tanw. Go dad!

In the end we were left with a pile of grape juice and an even bigger pile of compost. Only time will tell if we get any wine for our effort.

Two 60 L tubs and three 20 L fermeters of juice. This photo seems blurry but perhaps that's in anticipation of times to come.

Must remember to take photos during the day...

when the light is good, cause the flash on the camera is too strong. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it. I have also included one of Charlie's self portraits.

One day I will learn how to put photos in order too. But not today.

by popular demand

newborn gemma

have to take some more up to date photos.

A gentle bloop sound ...

was all I heard before turning around and finding that Gemma had somehow slid into her bath in the sink, and was now looking somewhat bemused at finding herself completely immersed. She was probably only underwater for a second, just enough to give me a complete heartattack. I grabbed her out and wrapped her up in a towel and spent a few minutes trying to get her to calm down. I think she was more upset at being pulled out of her bath rather than being underwater. She certainly didn't worry when we went back to her bath in a more conventional position, head above water, supported by Mum.

There is nothing like making a really elementary mistake like turning your back on a baby to make you remember that even second time around you don't know it all. I have also discovered this morning that toddlers like fingerpainting with peanut butter. Getting it off the window and blinds will be enough of a challenge, much less getting if off the screen door. Gemma has just woken up, no more blogging.

Community Service Announcement

There is a company called Games Market.

They are supposedly in the business of selling software online. Am far too sober to get into the whole mess but let's just say they are highly reluctant to get into the spirit of the reciprocal nature of retailing. Like, I give you money and you give me ... what, Games Market? WHAT do you give me? Except MONTHS of grief? Huh? WHAT? They will fill your days -- MONTHS! MONTHS! -- with despair and your nights with pain. Plague. Avoid. Etc.

Tell all your friends.

Pseudotalent

Well, this weekend just gone was the rehearsal weekend for choir - a joyous occasion predictably full of alcohol consumption, intricate costumes, questionable revue acts and Monty's deadly chocolate mousse. We're performing* Mendelsohn's Elijah which is a massive and massively dramatic work (hence lots of fun to sing) pretty much word for word out of the bible. Appropriately, the theme for the rehearsal camp was 'biblical'.

So I put together a 'biblical' revue act. Now, being nerds, you must all know Monty Python's Philosopher's Drinking Song. This was my version.


Oh...
Joan of Arc was a girl with spark who died upon the pyre
Ester was the queen of the biblical scene and Mary was for hire
Samson flopped when his hair got chopped by that fickle bitch Delilah
and Moses, who was slick with his snakey stick, kept setting trees on fire.

The Romans got to Jesus and then Judas got the noose,
David got Goliath but Goliath was a wuss...

Joseph showed style when he worked the Nile but old King Herod was a pedophile
Ezekiel could outwit Hell but never could have handled Jezebel
Hezekiah, Hezekiah was a dirty dirty liar who should have been clapped in irons,
and Jonah made do with a whale's spew but Daniel buggers lions.

Now all these folk we talk about are centu-aries dead,
the only thing important is that Salome likes head.



* Concerts on Wed 31st May and Sat 3rd June, 8pm Great Hall of USyd. It's sounding fricken fantastic, like, really good. *chuff* Anyway, blantant plug, if you're interested in going let me know - i'll organise tickets.

'Something Can Be Done About It...'

yes its called flamethrower...

I hadn't looked through all the mail from the other day until Rob cried "What the fuck is a Scientology mag doing in our house??!!". Someone had placed a copy of 'The Bridge- Magazine of the Church of Scientology of Sydney- Issue 385 April' in our letterbox, hopefully as a cruel prank and not a serious attempt to piss off the neighbourhood.

I know abit about the MoonBats (as they shall now be known, even typing their name irks me), Xenu, volcanos, E-Meters, Tom Cruises, silent births ....whacka whacka whacka. But hey they are a religion so it follows they are illogical, hypocritical and inconsistant, goes with the territory. Thats ok.

I was reading there uplifting propoganda about their Volunteer Ministers (VM) rushing to Indonesia after the Tsunami and bringing order, love, counselling and crap massages to the traumatised masses in their bright yellow shirts.
Now i will happily admit that alot of religious groups do a hell of a lot of great charity work and i'm sure they did help with food, shelter and transport through the area. I did read that christian groups like 'World Vision' have codes of conduct outlawing proselytising, which if they follow the rules, i applaud them. The Moonbats have no such codes.

They mention that the numbers of VM's outnumber the three other largest volunteer groups- Peace Corps, Americorps and UN volunteers all put together. I guess if you belong to a cult everyone is a volunteer or its re-educatation for you.

They bang on about LRH tech, Touch and Nerve assist technology and teaching like, everyone in Aceh these amazing, life saving techniques. I wasn't sure what it was until i saw the pictures. Its some tool using 2 fingers to stroke the back and clear the 'channels'. Fark, some crap Reiki style lameness. If i'm going to get touched up by a cultist the very least i want a decent back massage out of it. Here kids you can try it at home...
I did not know the Moonbats used this kind of WOOWOO CRAP....why am i surprised...why!!??

New Orleans and the Pakistan earthquake victims were not spared Nerve, Contact and Touch Assists, ooh and Body Comms for the amputees and fractures....
AAARRRGGHHHHH how could these people be let near anyone injured and traumatised. Fine bring them food but don't pretend you can heal them. Its so wrong i can't even begin to start.
*cries*

The only truly therapeutic agent in this universe is the spirit. In Scientology this has been demonstrated with more thoroughness and exists with more certainty than the physical sciences or mathematics. A Scientologist can help make an individual well and happy simply by addressing the human spirit.

Guess what, it takes only 2 week, yess 2 weeks to become a VM who is trained in technology to save a life, handle a addict ravaged by drugs, resolve a bitter conflict, rescue a marriage or relationship and a dozen other life skills...
Fuck, only 2 weeks for all this then you will be sent forth to misinform and irritate people the world over.
In the calender section on April 22nd there was Stress Testing- Your chance to disseminate to the people of Sydney. You will be drilled.
Is that like being pumped thoroughly in the debreifing room?

In case you were wondering they also are responsible for quelling the Cronulla uprising and restoring order.
A team of VMs assembled. Fully prepared to confront evil head-on they set out to blanket the riot affected area with copies of 'The Way to Happiness'.
'This is what it will be like when we get the planet cleared'

Spoon. Gag.

Though i am getting this tattooed onto my forehead

Update: I took the online test- fake name given though they can probably trace me via Thetan power.
Here is my chart, but i really need to see a trained instructor to work through my problems.

oh the shame of it all

At dinner last night, i made one of my favourite family desserts. Blackberry self-saucing pudding made from the White Wings packet. It's up there with Two-Fruits and custard as beloved family favourites. That and the recent SPAM discussion got me thinking about the food that you love that is so very very very wrong but so very very yummy.
From this I decided that everyone should just 'fess up and I'll begin.

Some of my secret shameful foods are;
baked bean, a little bit really finely sliced onion and cheese jaffles
curried sausages (using a Continental packet)
the two aforementioned desserts
fried sliced devon sandwiches with tomato sauce (haven't had it in a looong while)
Really dodgy sweet and sour pork from the really dodgy take-away places. It's the smell of the red sauce that does it.

Okay, that's all I can think of (and willing to admit to), so what's yours?

What dreams may come

Last night I cooked a roast chicken on a borrowed webber. I haven't cooked a chook in a year and a half and it made me feel good.
A man of simple pleasures? Undoubtably. But when you can spring a meal and invite people round at no notice and they stay 'til midnight; and the guy who was only 'dropping by' ends up staying for dinner; and some other people pop unexpectedly; well, it is pretty much what life is all about.
And that was just a chook.

Then this morning I sat in the sun, in my shorts (cut off black army pants of doom, of course), drinking tea and reading the correspondence on the recent Birmingham article in The Quarterly; and thinking how much like Fyodor was Birmingham's response of equal measures of condescension, invective, artful insult and counter-fact.

And then there are the more complicated and extravagant dreams such as:

"I want to learn Spanish too. And then go to Spain. And eat paella and drink wine until the wee hours of the morning, then pass out in the gutter in front of the Gaudi musem."

What a great dream!
Go to, anonymous person who won't be named, and make it so.

Weasel coffee

A new use for the white worm....

"Delicious coffee regurgitated by weasels. It's the taste!"

http://www.firebox.com/?dir=firebox&action=product&pid=616

We saw this on Hairy Bikers Cookbook on SBS when they travelled to Vietnam and didn't quite believe the story, but it turns out it is a real thing.

A web search also finds the exotic Civet coffee, which is eaten by the civet and the beans are collected from the droppings.

http://www.edible.com/htmlsite/prod_list.asp?prodID=170&catID=2

So... those of you what actually drink coffee... would you try these?
(I can't stand the stuff myself, but I'm obviously a philistine....)

I need to move to Texas!

Spamarama!!!

Who's with me?