Thursday, November 22, 2007

I love Despair

The junk mail they sent me this morning made me smile.

" Yes, you read it correctly. Despair is offering all U.S. customers a chance to purchase anything and everything their hearts desire without having to pay a shipping fee- provided you spend at least $20 dollars on your order. Just use the coupon code "freeshipping" on any order placed between now and the end of November. (International customers are being afforded a separate and exciting money-saving opportunity, detailed at the end of this promotion...)"

And at the end of the mail...

** International customers- fear not! - Though we're not extending this particular promotion to those living outside the United States, we've nevertheless engineered- with the help of the Federal Reserve and the profligate deficit spending of the US Government - an exciting discount opportunity! For the foreseeable future, we've arranged for your foreign currencies to be greatly inflated in purchasing power against the US Dollar! That's right, no matter whether you hold Euros, Canadian Dollars, Kiwis, Rubles or even the wimpy little Slovakian koruna- you can buy unprecedented amounts of American made junk, thanks to the amazing benefits of the Henry Poulson's Flaccid Dollar Policy. So go ahead, indulge to your heart's content- knowing all the while that you're saving a fortune, even while those of us in the states are hoarding food, gold and lead and preparing ourselves for hyperinflation! Like we didn't have enough to worry about! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! "

I also like the new slogan.... "We're not satisfied unless you're not satisfied." I think they are terrific.

No comments: