Friday, December 30, 2005
After making short work of the tiny vessel, Mousicles went for a more worthy target.
Phase two commenced with the news from the front. Mousicles declared: "Deploy the larger craft!"
And all shall quake in fear at the cry of "For Battle!!!!!!!"
Of course it doesn't have to be that way. How do you make santa happy? Give him a Christmas tart:
Much, much happier. (Unfortunatly the fishnets didn't come out in the photo but trust me, she's all class.)
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Guiness (aka Boofhead, aka Weaselboots) was so named because he was dark with a bit of creamy running through it, and thick as... well... Guiness. He was friendly and bouncy and always came running to see who it was when someone came into the back of the house. Then he'd follow you around everywhere just in case you did anything interesting. He came when you whistled. He'd play the ferret-bowling game over and over and over until I'd be forced to stop because I was laughing so hard. He was my bud. But he had a good run, and he was still trying to stay bouncy right through to the end; this is just a sort of goodbye.
I had a Guiness this evening in his memory.
Friday, December 23, 2005
I jumped in the taxi and said: "The Rocks. Let's roll." The taxi driver replied with "Rock and roll?" I told him "Look, you just do the driving. _I'll_ bring the funny."
Fyodor was already at the bar of the Lord Nelson with a Victory Bitter newly broached. The barmaid asked what I'd like.
"I'd like a beer that'll make me fart like a demon", I told her.
"Well, you're spoiled for choice here, sir!"
Pork pies with hot hot hot English mustard and pickle and a pint of foamy brown were the order of the day, followed a while later by a bowl of wedges. By then we had a table and were sitting down. Ooh, the luxury.
I got home twenty minutes before my shift started at six, more full of beer than I have been in a while.
At about 9pm the demon awoke. I was surprised that customers could actually make it through the door without the aid of frantically swung cricket bats.
"It's warm in here!" said one.
I explained that it was because of all the fridges.
This morning I popped into work to install a funky ceiling light and the cellar man greated me with "I heard you were drunk last night!"
Of course I was. The fool. I know I was drunk on shift last night: I was there.
Anyway, we discussed books and blogs and people and stuff and even real life. Fyodor even went so far as to present his business card and tell me his real name.
I would tell you what it is, but my keyboard is broken and I don't know how to do umlatts and those other squiggly things they put over letter. Accents! That's the technical term for them. Yeah.
Thursday, December 22, 2005
The first player of this game starts with the topic five weird habits of yourself, and people who get tagged need to write an entry about their five weird habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next five people to be tagged and link to their web journals. Don't forget to leave a comment in their blog or journal that says You are tagged (assuming they take comments) and tell them to read yours.
For Battle got tagged as a group by Kate over on Moment to Moment. I guess we could do this individually and then also 5 Weird Habits of the collective.
At first I didn't think I had 5 weird habits ('cause I'm the dull one) but after thinking about it a bit, I've now got to figure out which 5 to use....
My weird habits.
1. I don't drink. I don't like the taste so I don't bother. There are a few drinks that I find borderline palatable (think lolly-water-chick-drinks and then add sugar) but I don't tend to drink more than one at a sitting - my control freak super powers kick in at that point. Reality is for people who can't stand drugs.... that's me.
2. I darn socks. I'm actually quite a good embroiderer, but at the moment I'm so slack that my hand sewing skills only get inflicted on old socks. I also patch jeans, but we haven't destroyed any recently.
3. I sing. A lot (but certainly less now than in my youth) In the shower, doing housework, mid-conversation, driving in the car, to myself. Often, I don't notice I'm doing it. Often, I sing just a single line of a song and never finish it (I had a friend sing along to something obscure and I was amazed they knew it... the reply was "No, just that line... it's the only one you sing"). I like to think I'm reasonably good at singing. Considering my friends haven't killed me yet, I must be at least okay.
4. I hate tissues. I don't like to use them and I really hate scrunched up used ones being left around. In fact all scrunched up, damp paper products are icky - paper towel, torn beer coasters, beer labels pulled of the bottles. I blame my mum - Her bag used to be full of scrunched up tissues and you never knew if they were clean or not, but you had to delve through them when you were sent to fetch the purse/keys/whatever.
5. I blow my nose on spare t-shirts. Probably a bit as a result of 4. However, I maintain that if you have a really snotty nose, a t-shirt is better than a hanky because the material is a lot softer and there is far more real-estate. Speedy hates this habit and made me some hankies out of stretch cotton (and they do get used, but not at home)
ForBattle Weird habits (feel free to amend these when you think of
1. Old in-jokes. We have a lot of them and will create new ones at the drop of a hat...
Things like - "adjuwah!", "geodie, bunghole", "fine foam" "Cozbonker", "Mighty", "It's all good", "For Battle"... the list goes on...
2. We never stick togther in a battle. "At the dawdle..."
3. Any conversation will eventually end up at 'bumsex'. 'Oo err' is a favourite saying.
4. Mr and Miss are terms of endearment (even though it sounds like we are being formal)
Also we all have far too many names. It sometimes gets confusing about what name to use when introducing yourself at parties.
5. Apart from the dull control-freak, the buddist and the pregnant, too much alcohol is
I tag all you other For Battlers who are still pretending to work....
Stig and I bled for our country today and we feel great. No boss is going to say "NO you can't go and give lifesaving, much needed blood that may save a tiny, tiny precious baby's life...." so you all have no excuse (except the ones that do...).
I need to maintain the rage next time i go, my BP was a bit low 100/60 so they only took 410ml instead of 470ml. My flow was like a drought stricken rivelet instead of the usual mighty raging
(not that i'm trying to make it into a competition or anything. Best time 470mls in 7 minutes. Beat that!)
REMEMBER: The next head smashed in by an angry white supremacist's beer bottle could be yours.
"It is notable that not one defense expert was able to explain how the supernatural action suggested by ID could be anything other than an inherently religious proposition."
"Professor Behe’s assertion [...] is illogical and defies the weight of the evidence"
"there is hardly better evidence of ID’s relationship with creationism than an explicit statement by defense expert Fuller that ID is a form of creationism."
"Although proponents of the IDM occasionally suggest that the designer could be a space alien or a time-traveling cell biologist, no serious alternative to God as the designer has been proposed by members of the IDM, including Defendants’ expert witnesses."
"Dr. Padian bluntly and effectively stated that in confusing students about science generally and evolution in particular, the disclaimer makes students “stupid.”"
"The two model approach of creationists is simply a contrived dualism which has no
scientific factual basis or legitimate educational purpose. It assumes only two
explanations for the origins of life and existence of man, plants and animals: it was either the work of a creator or it was not. Application of these two models, according to creationists, and the defendants, dictates that all scientific evidence which fails to support the theory of evolution is necessarily scientific evidence in support of creationism and is, therefore, creation science ‘evidence[.]’"
"It is important to initially note that as a result of the teachers’ refusal to read the disclaimer, school administrators were forced to make special appearances in the science classrooms to deliver it."
It goes on... I'll stop.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Monday, December 19, 2005
Thursday, December 15, 2005
This from Yahoo News
Federal Treasurer Peter Costello has announced the nation has a cash surplus that is $2.5 billion more than expected.
The Treasurer has released his mid-year economic and fiscal outlook, increasing the underlying cash surplus to $11.5 billion for the 2005 fiscal year.
He says the economy, which continues to grow, is one of the strongest in the world.
Mr Costello says tax cuts are already legislated for 2006 and any further cuts will depend on the Government's spending needs.
"We go into this Budget round with some spending ambitions from some ministers," he said.
"If we're able to keep spending ambitions to a minimum then the pay-off will always be low tax."
But at a Sydney conference ahead of the Treasurer's announcement, Liberal backbencher and tax reform advocate, Malcolm Turnbull, said a substantial surplus would allow a second round of fundamental tax reform in Australia.
"It is clear there is ample scope to fund reductions in tax, indeed so much is widely acknowledged," he said.
"But these strong surpluses also mean that we can afford to tackle real tax reform."------------------------
What about keeping tax levels where they are and spending a billion on education?
And then, maybe they could spend a billion on public health?
That'd leave, like 9.5 billion.
Harry, I don't have your flair for this.
Unsheath the flaming sword!
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
I had hoped, due to a birthday and Xmas being so close, that The Delightful Mother(tm) would buy me the new Aunty Jack DVD which has just been released by the ABC.
today was the day! it is sitting here beside me looking all new and exciting. the whole first series, digitally remastered, fresh and crisp...
I was only 4 when Aunty Jack (the Queen of Wollongong) first appeared on the ABC in 1972. the first series is a bit of a haze, the second series far clearer, save of course for the fact that so much of it would go straight over a child's head. but I thought it was hilarious. who wouldn't find a bloke in a crushed-velvet dress with a moe and golden boxing glove hilarious? and I had a big soft spot for darling Rory O'Donahue, who played Thin Arthur.
Kid Eager (the first creation of Gary MacDonald) isn't in the first series, from the looks of it. I confess I don't remember... I do remember Kid Eager from the album ("Erky perky, it's got baggy pants and a propellor!"), and of course the first incarnation of Norman Gunston with his report, "What's on in Wollongong". I confess, I always thought Flange Desire (the chickie in the superhero suit above) had more of an afro, but maybe that's just the haze of time playing tricks.
another two characters, Neil and Errol, were sad, reflective poet-cum-minstrels who would sing about things like not stepping on ants on the pavement, which I always thought was sweetly melancholy. then there was Colonel Passionfruit, making his men waltz through the minefield to not get blown up, and John Derum's (who was also Narrator Neville) unco soldier character whose two left feet made sure he just couldn't do it... oh! and Kev Kavanagh, the most Kultured butcher ever. does anyone remember when he did a series of ads for the Art Gallery of NSW? I think it was the early 80's... fantastic. I have a Kev Kavanagh Kulture badge somewhere. eh-eh.
lots of my memories of Aunty Jack centred around the album and the single. the album, "Aunty Jack Sings Wollongong" was the first album I owned. the single, which I also own, was the very first picture disc in the world... luckily they're in great condition considering how much they were played! the album had the ultimate ode, "Wollongong The Brave", sung by Norman Gunston -
Lift up your hand
to an Illawarra land...
of Dapto, Port Kem-bu-lah
and "I've Been Everywhere" (everywhere being... Wollongong. and Dapto!) sung by Ern, Ernie, and Ernest Farrelly, aka The Farrelly Brothers. another highlight was the Tarzan Super-Ape Rock Opera. according to the opera, Tarzan's son's name is Bombo, and every time I drive past Bombo Beach near Kiama, I have to sing as much of the Rock Opera as I can remember (which is quite a bit, in all the different voices). the album had some racy lines (mostly about tits, oh my!) but like the series, rude bits (and they weren't very rude, really) went straight over my head. oh to be so naive again...
as with most nice memories, it's not just the actual character or series you remember, it's the time. Gough Whitlam was in power, which certainly meant a lot to my parents, if not for me, although I do remember the "It's Time" ad campaign. I remember the sunny, buoyant optimism of those years (which I guess was also part of being a child) - and the incredible outrage of The Dismissal just a few years later. my mum wore the grooviest kaftans, and she took me to see the first opera produced at the Sydney Opera House in 1973, which was The Magic Flute. my dad looked confusingly like Bob Hawke on the telly, with his magnificent silver hair and black-rimmed glasses. they went to Balls with their friends on the weekend, getting dressed up in suits and long dresses. I was given a second-hand Dragster, shiny purple, with flowers on the seat, streamers on the handbars, and a raffia basket (with more flowers). it's currently in the garage waiting to be restored.
anyway, enough of this nostalgia trip, or I'll get (even more) horribly soppy :) go here for the official Aunty Jack site, or here for quite a good bio of Graeme Bond.
enjoy this post or I'll rip yer bloody arms off!
(and she will, too)
He takes the awesomest photos and makes the awesomest collages. Also sends the awesomest music, Cozalcoatl will appreciate his introduction to me of Sixteen Horsepower. He is also a fine companion to take to a baseball game, if ever the chance arises.
I've got a calendar of his photocollages of sites around Chicago at my place. There's a BEACH in Chicago!?!!? Did you know that? I did not and it still spins me out a little. "Chicago" and "beach" do not seem to go together. Yes, I'm easily spun out.
In my constant quest to edify all those around me, I present:
No Commercial Potential
An Exquisite Corpse
Pictures at Flickr
I know you discerning people will enjoy his work like I do. Except for the spooky doll photos, I don't so much enjoy those as internalise their horror.
Monday, December 12, 2005
Anyway i posted a thingy about how cool camping is on my very own blog...ohhh yes my precious.
A Cunning Plan
Which if you scroll to the bottom you will see why i started it, so don't get all excited.
Anyway i have half the fold thingy worked out but it does not fold....bah.
You can click on Read More, except you already are reading it all. The code it tells me to put in the post itself hates me and does nothing, nothing damn its eyes.
So i'm not posting it here cause its long.
Check it out, leave comments, instructions, insults, love...you know the drill.
With Internet Explorer the Flickr and weather thang are on the side, with Netscape they are waaay down the bottom. Is it the same for everyone?
Why can't i just jack in and have my brain tell it what to do?? I blame William Gibson and his ilk for getting my 1980's hopes up about the future.
This is because Howard is a dead-set lying fcukwit. Is it seditious for me to send text messages to my lefty friends to assemble at parliament house to claim it back from the fcuking righties? What about if we target Our Illustrious Leader directly?
Howard, do your fcuking job your smarmy, weaselly fcukwit!
"``I believe yesterday's behaviour was completely unacceptable but I'm not going to put a general tag (of) racism on the Australian community."
No one's asking you to, cnutfeatures. But they are asking you to specifically condemn what's going on in Cronulla.
Silence speaks volumes, you snivelling little siht.
You're a freaking champion of what's unAustralian and what isn't. And you're very good at labelling when non-Australian's do unAustralian things. Funnily enough, arsehole, to have meaning, the label 'unAustralian' actually has to be applied more firmly and more dilligently against Australians themselves.
So, get out there and start being our fcuking leader.
God knows the fcuking Shire voted for you, so chose this time as one of those numerous times you ignore public sentiment. Take a stand against these people, because they are YOUR people.
Guess what happens when you stoke the fires of some bullsiht "Clash of Civilisations (TM)": you get it in our streets! Good work, brainiac.
And as for Beazley: get cracking you whiffly piece of fluff! Be the nation-damned opposition Leader, for Grod's sake!
Looking back now, she thinks that she may have been a 'swinging voter' if it hadn't been for the dismissal. But she remembers the INDIGNITY of that day.. and will never vote Libral/Conservative for that reason.
I'm wondering if the abuse of their Senate Majority by the Howard government will trigger similar reactions in my generation? I'm thinking WorkChoices in particular is so insulting that people will remember it for quite some time.
Saturday, December 10, 2005
while walking home through the local Westfield when these two security guards caught my eye and seemed to change direction in response, like, they're coming right for me.
Hmmmm. Ok, so, I lower my beer and walk on all casual like. Maybe they haven't noticed? Not so lucky. Fabio and Ahkmed pull me up, 'Hey, you can't drink alcohol in here'.
OK! I'm not standing for this! I'm a citizen! This is a public space! I can drink beer if I want too! So, 'where are your no alcohol signs', I ask? Fabio and Ahkmed seem to get a little agitated at my question. Fabio says 'this isn't a licensed premises'.
Now, I’m thinking of another argument but Ahkmed is getting a bit of an expression on his face. ‘So’, I say, ‘I can drink on the street?’. I point to the nearest exit.
Ahkmed says I can, he seems a little relieved. ‘OK’, I say, ‘I’ll go drink on the street’. And I leave to Westfield to take the slightly longer way home.
On the way home I’m thinking, ‘right you fuckers, I’ll show you not fuck with the law. When I get home I’m going to get on the net an’ research alcohol laws in NSW and when I find out I’m in the right I’m coming back to your Westfield. I’m going to buy a beer and then I’m going to buy a subway sub and sit in your food court and eat my sub and drink my beer and there’s fuck all you can do about it’.
But I found out that shopping centers are private property and the owner, represented by the security guards, can ban you for life for no good reason if they want to.
So much for my righteous fantasy.
Friday, December 09, 2005
"No, this is Harry."
"Oh, ok. Harry? This is Matt."
"Oh hey, Matt! How's it going?"
"Great. L-look, Everyone in China hates you now, except me, ok?"
"I'm...I'm your guy here. A positive word about China has to go on the website."
"Ohh, we already talked about this, dude."
"Yeah, I know. But that is what they want to hear."
"We already talked about this!!"
"I know that, and you know that, but this is where the money's at. This is wh..."
"I don't care about that!"
"Look. Harry. The Chinese government is the best government ever made."
"...How can you say that?!?!?"
"W-w-what did I say?"
"The Chinese government is the best government ever made."
"I agree with you, Harry. I agree with you right there. It is a great government - and I know that."
"NO! Fuck that! The Chinese government sucks! We hate that government!"
"Hello. Look? Will you just listen to this latest press release from the Chinese Government?"
"Just hear it..."
"No! Fuck that! We said 'No!' to this government like a decade ago!"
"They exploit their people, and destroy the environment and do this whole 'redefinition of socialism' thing. And _our_ government is pissing in their pockets and don't do anything about human rights abuses because China buys all of our raw materials!"
"Ok. I'm your guy here!"
"Ok! Ok. This is just you and me talking, but fuck Matt!"
"You are Matt!"
"Ok, fuck Harry. He doesn't care about..."
"This IS Harry!"
How goes everything?
First up, before I forget. I need you to copy this to Dave coz I can't get
his email to work. Second, I need you to know that the Chinese government
has blocked forbattle. I shit you not. You must have pissed these guys off
somewhere coz I can not access your blog from China. What did you do? I
mean really. You know I think you're great, but how did you piss off a
quarter of the planet so badly they cut you off?
Anyway, I'm now in Dali, which is in Yunnan province (south China, near
Burma). Way cool. Free internet (except forbattle obviously, fuckers).
This place is so cool. I had only been here for 1 hour when an old woman
tried to sell me dope. Go figure.
I gotta tell you, this is a freakin hard country to travel in. Seriously.
Nobody speaks English. And they are mostly crap. Well, that's not true.
Almost entirely crap is more accurate. You know you're in trouble when
Naomi says, "Matt, I hate the Chinese." That's pretty bad. But I gotta
admit, I love it here. It's rough but totally unlike anything I have ever
I wont even try to explain on email. Instead I will bring photos and stuff.
Hope you're good, bro.
EuroBad. Via Crooked Timber.
click on photo for a bigger, cleaerer version. Do check out the rest of the EuroBad pics. I was going to use the one of the little boy in the bathroom but I shudder to think what you crude mob would come up with. The kitchen-slash-stables ran a close second.
Thursday, December 08, 2005
A bit confused about how the styles will kick in but what the hell.
By the way, did you all know Wolf Mother has and hour show on ABC tommorow night at 11:00? Then they're hosting Rage?
Like, Corrine's little brother Miles is famous now.
They have, like, a web site and everything.
Oh, and I have a little picture too! The little pictures are cool.
I don't know if my little picture's been censored yet so I'm gonna paste a copy in here.
Basically a bunch of photos of kids having the bejeezbus scared outta them. Not that its that funny or anything, no....not at all. (yes, yes these kids don't look that scared, but Santa look at Santa).
My parental unit tells me that once i was happily toddling around the shops, turned a corner and came face to face with
Though these days the thought of a old man giving me
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Unfortunately it looks worse in real life.. the darker shades on the bruising is closer to black. It HURTS!! Luckily I have Veronica Mars eps and icecream.. should fix anything!
I'm starting to think I shouldn't be allowed out of the house without safety gear.
Monday, December 05, 2005
Do not pike the blogger meet up to snaffle the tickets. This defeats the purpose. Only if you weren't going anyway or have a super special reason. It's between you and your conscience.
You want tickets? Riddle me this. What is the greatest instrument ever invented? If anyone wishes to plead a special case I will give it my benevolent consideration.
Answers in comments.
PS the answer is "the banjo."
Yes. It's Christmas. HELP!
I haven't done any shopping! I so suck at shopping. Except for books.... I'm good at shopping for books.
A few years ago I declared a ban on Christmas in my family and announced that only people under the age of 18 could get presents. It seemed like the only way to stop my mum spending too much on stuff I never use.
But deep down, I do like swapping presents.
So in an attempt to encourage the giving of practical presents, there is the Christmas wishlist. These are things that are cunning, funny, useful, desireable and yet still costs around $20 or less.
So does anyone have cunning suggestions what could go on such a list? What would you put on such a list? What do you think I need? (DV has done well in the last few years by deciding I needed a new brush and wallet after seeing the state of my old ones.... Speedy had to buy me another brush when I didn't throw out the old one fast enough!)
I'm not writing this in an attempt to up my Christmas haul this year. I'm not attempting to instigate formal gift giving amongst the For Battle crowd beyond the Surly Santa at the Chrissie Pissie. I just know that I will be attending a Christmas gathering where small gifts will be exchanged and I've already been asked for suggestions. I have a standard suggestion, but I got enough socks and undies for Christmas last year and I really don't need any right now (although it's still a incredibly practical gift in my opinion)....
Tis the season to get angsty.....
Saturday, December 03, 2005
Friday, December 02, 2005
It's also my last chance to use broadband internet for a while as I will once more descend into the dial-up hell that is my home internet connection, and no doubt will be at Yass as well. I couldn't really pass up on the chance to blog and surf for three hours one last time. In the last hour I've had one phone call, so as usual this job is flat out. After this I'm going to have to go home and do some real work.