Thursday, October 27, 2005

Teasing gene

Scientists have today confirmed the existence of a teasing gene which can be passed on from parents to children. Birth order of the parents does not seem to affect the passing of the gene, but the eldest child in the family is most likely to be the afflicted. Or the inflicting.

Research yesterday in the Woolworths supermarket, and today in the Johnson bathroom was the final clincher on determining the existence of the gene.

Our subject, Charlie, successfully teased his mother by walking back to the checkout where she was waiting and looking at each proceeding checkout and saying "No", taken to mean 'My Mummy isn't there'. Mummy waved to show where she was. Charlie then proceeded to that checkout, saying no to each other checkout that he passed, until he reached his Mummy. He then grinned cheekily at his mother, said ''No" to her face and ran off squealing and laughing. Mummy gave chase and Charlie was captured. Unfortunately the video camera wasn't working at the time as Simpkins had been faffing around with it again, but the work experience student managed to write it all down, so it will be recorded for prosperity. Once he returns to school his name will be erased from the paper and those of the senior scientists written on.

Further unplanned research took place this morning in the Johnson bathroom. Mummy was showering while Daddy sat on the loo, with toddler on his knee. Charlie started the conversation by stating that he loved Mummy. Daddy then asked if Charlie loved Daddy. Charlie replied that he loved Mummy. Daddy asked again "Do you love Daddy?" Again Charlie replied that he loved Mummy. He then added that he loved Nanny, Andrew, Kerri, Grandpa, Grandpa (2) and Grandma. Daddy, in desperation, then asked again if he loved Daddy. Charlie replied that he loved Charlie. He then pointed to a bug on the floor and said that he loved the bug. At this point Daddy was becoming quite obsessed in his quest to discover if Charlie loved him. Daddy then asked if he loved Tiddle (the cat) and Charlie replied in the affirmative. Daddy then asked in turn if he loved Neffy (the cat) and Seffy (the cat) to which Charlie responded yes, then Daddy asked if he loved Daddy, at which point Charlie took pity on him and responded yes.

All this was recorded on video tape, but was confiscated and burnt by Mrs Johnson who said she didn't care if it was a valuable scientific record, the world didn't need to see her in the shower, it had enough problems already, what with bird flu and everything.

So it has been conclusively proven that there is in fact a teasing gene, as any child with an older sibling could have told you. Requests for myself to attend Nobel Prize ceremonies to receive said prize should be sent to my private address and not the laboratory as Simpkins will try to steal all the glory, and I don't trust that work experience boy either.

Professor Geoffrey Billington-Blythe
School of Scientificy Stuff
Mud upon Puddle University
Western Skye

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