Sunday, December 30, 2007

Babies are zombies!

They have a shambling walk and they suck out your brain.

Why didn't I see it earlier!

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Boxing Day BBQ

This date appears to be free....
(if it turns out not to be the case someone tell me soon)


BBQ, our place.

Turn up anytime after 11am with your leftovers, drinks and dead animal. We will supply some bread and sausages and maybe some salad. It's probably not wise to cater too much... It's not like any of us have a chance to be underfed at this time of year.

We'll have the sunshade, sandpit and wading pool set up for toddler entertainment.

RSVP if you feel you need to.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Flaming Swords of...

Coz & Rob, I hope you packed your Flaming Swords of WTF-you-freakarse-people-all-deserve-to-die..

I've found you some candidates..

Found via

Tuesday, December 18, 2007


Found on TheFerrets LJ.

I used to watch CSI:Miami and laugh outrageously at David Caruso's ines and sunglass acting... Apparently I'm not the only one....

Man Cold

Monday, December 17, 2007


Where is your mobile phone? desk
Describe your boyfriend/girlfriend? roaming free in my imagination
Your hair? clean and straight
Your mother? Life sucking demon from the nether regions of hell. Oh and fat, I forgot to say fat.
Your father? Bald
Your favourite item? Kinder Surprise Fireman's safe
Your dream last night? Long, involved and assisted by barbiturates
Your favourite drink? James' G&T
Your dream car? one that comes with a chauffeur
The room you are in? Office
Your ex? drunk
Your fear? dead children
What do you want to be in 10 years? On my country property, feeding my chooks
Who did you hang out with last night? G and AJ
What you’re not? tall
The last thing you did? made a cuppa
What are you wearing? heels (I'd hate my work mates to find out I'm not tall)
Your favourite book? To kill a mocking bird or Jane Eyre or any other droll read
Last thing you ate? Arrowroot biccy
Your life? A little on the dull side
Your mood? mild
Your friends? Absent
What are you thinking about right now? Xmas drinks in 5 minutes
Your car? Functioning
What are you doing at the moment? Waiting for drinkies to start
Your summer? pleasant
Your relationship status? On going
What is on your TV? Many remotes
When is the last time you laughed? Last night when G told me about the Santa at Frankston Myer who had a coronary and the child had to be pryed from his rigid arms. How much therapy is that kid gunna need?

One Word Meme

Found at Edditer's Blog.

Where is your mobile phone? Handbag
Describe your boyfriend/girlfriend? Non-existent (husband existent)
Your hair? Flat
Your mother? Well
Your father? Heaven
Your favourite item? Children
Your dream last night? Forgotten
Your favourite drink? Lemon
Your dream car? Free
The room you are in? Office
Your ex? History
Your fear? Accidents
What do you want to be in 10 years? Happy
Who did you hang out with last night? Rellies
What you’re not? Slender
The last thing you did? Type
What are you wearing? Blue
Your favourite book? Interesting
Last thing you ate? Salad
Your life? Hectic
Your mood? Good
Your friends? Fabulous
What are you thinking about right now? Christmas
Your car? Dusty
What are you doing at the moment? Working (Ha!)
Your summer? Hot
Your relationship status? Steady
What is on your TV? Flags
When is the last time you laughed? Yesterday

Thursday, December 13, 2007

And not a moment too soon.....

This is what has been holding the world back. We can finally proudly venture forth into a new world....

That's right. Glow in the dark cats.

Things to Ponder

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it.. don't
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart
will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of
your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat
chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And
a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of
the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one.
If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable
oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more ve getables be
bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You
should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best
feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets.

And remember:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly
used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride"


For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on
nutrition and health It's a relief to know the truth after all those
conflicting nutritional

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Aussies.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Aussies.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Aussies.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Aussies.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Aussies.


Eat and drink what you like.

Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

The Christmas Meme

With thanks to The Other Andrew.

Wrapping paper or gift bags?
Wrapping paper. Cheap and cheerful and I actually really like the ripping sound it makes. Also, you can't peek in and see what's in there easily.

Real tree or Artificial?
Artificial. It's just easier.

When do you put up the tree?
When I can be bothered getting it out of the garage, blowing all the dust off and putting it together. So far this year it's still in the garage.

When do you take the tree down?
December 26.

Do you like eggnog?
I've never tried it, but the fact that you can get it in a carton worries me.

Favorite gift received as a child?
A red pushbike.

Do you have a nativity scene?
No, that would be really hypocritical, and the cat would probably eat the baby Jesus.

Hardest person to buy for?

Easiest person to buy for?
The kids. The only problem is how to stop.

Mail or email Christmas cards?
I'm not even organised enough to email Xmas cards. Consider yourselves wished a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Worst Christmas gift you ever received?

Favorite Christmas Movie?
Bad Santa.

When do you start shopping for Christmas?
Usually about 4 weeks out. Then I get fed up with the crowds and buy everyone a book.

Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?
No, I don't think so.

Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
Baked meat, anything ham, Christmas pudding, the list is endless.

Clear lights or colored on the tree?
We have some coloured ones but they are too much of a cat and toddler magnet so usually we hide them.

Favorite Christmas song?
Little Drummer Boy by some rock band I can never remember. I think they also did "Old Time Rock and Roll".

Travel at Christmas or stay home?
Usually travel. Queensland this year, NZ the next. After that I'm planning to bugger off somewhere with just hubby and the kids.

Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer?
How many of them are there again. Um, Donner and Blitzen, Dasher and Dancer, someone and Prancer, Rudolph. Is that all of them?

Angel on the tree top or a star?
Badly made aluminium foil star.

Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?
Christmas morning. Unless it's bed linen (for toddlers, I ask you!)

Most annoying thing about this time of year?
Musak christmas carols. Closely followed by "Can I open a present yet? Can I open this one?"

Favorite ornament theme or color?
Whatever I can find in the garage.

Favorite for Christmas dinner?
Roast, vegies, plum pudding, ice cream, custard, pavlova. The whole eating far too much on a stinking hot day and sleeping it off all afternoon.

What do you want for Christmas this year?
A peaceful and safe drive to Qld and back.

I had a dream

If only it concerned equality or world peace or something.

I was the passenger in a car being driven at pace through suburban streets. By Harry. Who coincidentally was playing euphonium to a speaker phone in order to pass a music exam. His right hand was in the bell of his euphonium, french horn style (oo err), right elbow out the open window, leaving only his left to deal with steering, gear selection (manual car, or course) and instrumental fingering (oo errier).

Think I'll walk next time thanks Haz.


Now see, if I were a clever energetic person, I'd have gone down to the build site at the same time every day, set up a tripod in the same place, and snapped a photo of our house, and spliced all the photos together into a movie to music, so you could see it rise up out of the earth like skeletons from Medusa's teeth. (What I did instead was nick Mike's insurance photos, splice together all the ones pointing mostly the same direction, and slow it down to avoid inducing epilepsy and nausea because of the varying camera angles. So its more of a slideshow than a movie, but you still get to see the progression.)

Thursday, December 06, 2007

read it because we need more atheists..

Oooh look, a bandwagon.


1. Are you dating the last person you kissed?
No, the last person I kissed was my son.

2. Pretend you've had ten beers. What would you be doing right now?
Having my stomach pumped.

3. What do you want?
Children who eat vegetables.

4. Who was the last person you shared a bed with?
My husband, baby daughter, and at least one cat.

5. Do you talk to yourself?
Occassionally, when I need some adult conversation.

6. Do you drink milk straight from the carton?
No, I'm the Mummy.

7. Who knows the latest secret about you?
No idea, I've forgotten it myself.

8. How long is your hair?
Just a little bit too long.

9. Do you like Batman?
Yes, even though he threw out the lovely socks I gave him.

10. Who was the last person who told you they loved you?
The cat. I suspect he wanted to be fed.

11 and 12 seem to be missing.

13. Do you like anyone now?
Lots of people.

14. When was the last time you lied?
Yesterday, probably. Or maybe not...

15 is off somewhere with 11 and 12.

16. Is your birthday on a holiday.
No, dammit.

17. What instant messaging service do you use?
Luddites are us.

18. Last thing you cooked today?
A cup of tea at morning tea time.

19. Did you have a nap today?
No but I had a lovely nap yesterday, thanks for asking.

20. Whose house did you go to last?
The neighbours to collect our cat who had miaowed outside their window all night.

21. What do you wear more jeans or sweats?

22. Why is the sky blue?
Don't you have Google?

23. Do you like green beans?

24. Do you swear a lot?
In particular circumstances.

25. Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?

26 is also awol.

27. Do you use an alarm clock?
No I have children.

28. Where was your default MySpace picture taken?

29. Do you snort when you laugh?
Occassionally. It's not pretty.

30. What's the first thing you notice on the opposite sex?
Eye colour.

31. Is cheating ever okay?
Depends what you are cheating on.

32. Do you want someone you can't have?
See no. 3.

33 has buggered off too.

34. Do you wear underwear.
Yes, I am not Brittney.

35. Do you wear a bra?

36. What size?
My size.

37. Are you a social or antisocial person?
Depends what time of day, well a lot of factors really.

38 who knows?

39. Do you have a tan?
Not if I can help it.

40-44 can the person who made this meme count?

45. Are you afraid of the dark?
No, although occassionally of things in it.

46 nope, I'm guessing they failed counting

47. Did you miss someone today.
Yep, bastard was too quick for me. Maybe tomorrow.

48 how did they make it past kindergarten?

49. Do you still have pictures of you and your ex's.

50. Who's always there for you now matter what?

Who else wants to play?

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Turns out he was just paraphrasing literature

"It's astonishing how Lesbian women are, consciously or unconsciously. Seems to me they're nearly all Lesbian"

from 'Lady Chatterley's Lover by D.H. Lawrence, first published 1928.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Strange things in a strange land.

So what did we get up to in Japan?

Taking over the world. One milk carton at a time.

The "Snergmilk" cartons weren't selling as well.