A guilty rant.

I went flat out on thesis for a couple of months, I couldn't keep up the pace in March, and it is still dragging its heels because my brain is exhausted and can't take another step.
So tired.
But i feel guilty if i'm taking a break so i don't really recharge any batteries.
Can't sleep in cos i feel guilty about not working. Can't work cos i'm so brain dead, and then i feel guilty about not being sensibly rested and wasting precious time. But i feel too guilty about it to actually be able to get rest. WTF?!
Pointless? Hell yes. It got me thinking...


Guilt is the most pointless emotion of the lot - either you regret what you've done or you don't.

Guilt just confuses the issue. It's a mess of what you expect, what other people expect, what you believe other people to expect, and what you think they ought to expect. It makes you feel uneasy about things that you ought not to regret, but can't add anything to things that you genuinely do regret.


There was a study that featured in one of those opinion articles that make it into SMH and the Age showing that females, by and large the more guilt-ridden of the sexes, get a mere 10 minutes elation from a pleasurable indulgence before guilt kicks in and robs us of any benefit, where as guys can ride the high for hours.
Stupid?! Hell yes! But i guess it is par for the course, since females get the responsibility gene too.
You know,
the mentality of "Can't spend money on anything that is not a necessity to ensure they'll be plenty for the bills, next month's insurance, and in case i suddenly need $3000 worth of dental work,"
as opposed to the mentality of "It's my money, i'll spend it how i want, and i'll worry about it when i run out." As my cousin's husband once said, "It's only money - i'll go out tomorrow and make some more."
I wish I could think like that.*
I'd be a lot happier for a start.


*That is not to say that i agree at all with the Sydney trend of taking out the largest loan that they could possibly imagine being able to sustain in order to pay too much for a house. Oh, and then whinging every time the interest rates go up, or the property market falls, or they lose their job, or something other than the perfect home-owning circumstances occur.
I mean, there is guilt, and then there is plain stupidity. I know it is the bank's fault (loans used to be maxed to 70% of the property value with repayments no more than 30% or your income, but that got raised to 100% of the value and 40% of income)** but people still have to wear the consequences of their own actions and cries of "It's not fair" fall on my very deaf ears.

** don't quote me on those numbers - i'm repeating the essence of something i heard.